Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I will die if light touches me.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
