We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
