Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
