its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
