she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
