what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
