She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
