Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
