When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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