I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
