It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
