You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My vagina is officially offended.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
