Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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