This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
