sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Come on in and take your pants off
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