Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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