Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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