Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
