Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think my vagina is haunted
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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