walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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