I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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