So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
