My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
