he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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