I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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