he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
