Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Text me some of your sweat
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
