got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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