meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
