so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
