I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
