I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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