remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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