Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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