Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
