So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
