My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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