didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
