THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
