they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
