I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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