dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i wish my penis had a tongue
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
