fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
