he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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