Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i out mim tonsoeep
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