he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
