Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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