shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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