i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
