You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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