You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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