My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
